Deep Breaths

My life is a swirling kaleidoscope of emotion. Maybe, because my emotions control me, or because I am human. Whatever the case, I often find myself wondering how I got to be this way, and why certain things upset me so much...

There's a house by the Catholic church that I pass two or three times a day. There isn't really anyway to avoid it, unless you're comfortable with going out of your way to get somewhere. Every Halloween, this house is covered in decorations symbolizing satan and terror.

This year, the residents seemed keen on creating the most elaborate display of blood, pain, and suffering. Dismembered hands and feet hang from cords, bodies lie on gurneys and skeletons hang on bloodstained walls. A headless corpse is running over a person with a lawn mower. The legs stick out and move up and down, flailing, trying to get away from the pain. Dead bodies are strewn about the driveway, left carelessly; Satan's way of saying LET THEM BLEED.

The rest of the yard is much the same way. I don't want to inspect it any further. When I look at the terrible things in that yard...I get upset. I hate Satan. I hate demons. How could someone like it...How can people celebrate this? It's so awful...

As for other things happening in my life: my relationship is going good. We feel more comfortable around eachother now. I snuck in a hug last night when my youth group leader wasn't looking. Despite the fact that this relationship is so secretive, I don't find it difficult. We'll make it known when we are ready to.

This week is that time of month, and I've been finding myself more emotional about everything. When people don't call me back, or don't keep their word, I've been getting extremely angry. I threw a pen at someone, just because I felt so stressed and he wouldn't listen to me.

I need to take a big breath and relax. Note to self: "Don't get so upset."