My fears of counseling and needles always stopped me from getting help. Even just the idea of telling all my secrets to a person I don't know throws me into a panic and a depression all of its own. But how can I not get help now... He hates me. He hates me because I'm sad. He's been waiting for me to get better, but I can't. I can't get better. The walls of insanity and depression are closing in, and trying to get better makes the walls close in faster.
I went to counseling yesterday. It was uncomfortable and awkward, which is exactly how I thought it would be, if not worse. I had been planning to talk about the cutting and the starving myself in a professional, controlled way. But that's not how it went down. What happened was me crying about feeling alone and abandoned when my best friend fell in love with my sister.
Pathetic.
I have another counseling session today. In about half an hour, actually. Pray for me.
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