One Year to GO

So, if you read my blog posts from last year, at all, then you know how much I dislike school. This morning I woke up to the sound of my Howl's Moving Castle alarm on my phone. Then I thought, "Here we go again..." Maybe I'm a pessimist, or I'm lazy? I don't know, haha....

This is my last year of high school. It's hard to let that sink in. A year from now I'll be an adult and I'll be out of the house. My colorful, poster covered walls of my room will be replaced with the blank slate of a dorm. I'll leave my friends behind and have to make new ones. I'll have to start a whole new life which, honestly, kind of scares me.

But it doesn't matter how scary it will be. For now, I'll make the most of going to high school with my friends, and try and forget the reality outside my bubble for a year, until it pops.

One-eyed, one-horned, rambling purple grammar eater

Let me start this out with stating the obvious, that it has been quite awhile since I entered a post. My apologies.

I was in Colorado for a week towards the beginning of this month, and everyone at the camp was from Texas. I felt like my grammar sanity was being threatened by a breed of no-grammar-speaking Texans. No offense towards Texas, just please speak correctly. Please? *whimper *sniff

And then when I got back, I just didn't feel like entering anything in. I have no idea what the new animal hybrid should be. What a mess this is... Whatever shall we do??

Since I know that all of you are just dying to know what I've been up to (all 1 of you), I will give you this picture which sums it all up quite nicely.

Now that everyone feels better, let me tell you something very important. Come closer...still closer....lean in closer.....ok. I'm wearing the shirt that I was wearing in the picture at this very moment, which is weird, because sure, it's a pretty cool shirt. But I don't like it THAT much.

And you know what, I know that I'm rambling. And I know that you know that I'm rambling. And now you know that I know that you know that I'm rambling. Confused yet? Well good, because I'm confused too.

I'm guessing that you have already guessed that I have nothing interesting to talk about, you little smartie pants. No worries, I'm not patronizing you. Just rambling. A common story in these parts.

I drew a purple people eater today. One small problem though, I have no purple markers. Not even one.

So I drew some blood dribbling out of it's mouth instead, but it's just not the same.

Ok...I think it's time to go to bed. Goodnight y'all.

Animal Hybrid #4

WELCOME TO HYBRID MONDAY.

This week's hybrid is a Panda + Pig = Pinda Pag

The picture didn't come out quite the way that I wanted it too, as you can probably tell. I wanted to go for a simple pig body, but it came out looking....pregnanty. Pregalicious? I don't know. I'll try to come up with something better next time, haha...

Beastly

A couple months ago, I went and saw Beastly with my friends. I saw it again yesterday, and I must say, it seemed a lot more superficial and cheesy this time.

I still love it though, and so when I saw a little pot of mini white rosebuds later in the day, I bought it. That's what I'm looking at right now; the pretty rosebuds. I hope I can keep them alive for over a month. The pointsettias I bought last Christmas didn't survive that long. I forgot to water it and put it in the sunshine, and so on. I think white roses are my favorite flower. So if I'm ever in the hospital with a life-threatening disease, send me some white roses and a singing telegram.

Anyways, I still love Beastly which is suprising, because I almost always go for movies that have genuine, 'feel-real' characters, which I'm sad to say, didn't really shine through in this movie. Maybe it's because I like white roses and guys with dead-looking tree tatoos all over their backs. And it was also nice to see Mary Kate Olsen in a movie (finally).

My Review: 3 out of 5 stars. Good message, but no high quality acting or real chemistry between the two of them. Sorry Vanessa Hudgens, but it just felt like High School Musical all over again. However, I give props to Neil Patrick Harris. Maybe a little bit too clean-cut for a "blind" guy, but you made me laugh. 10 sparkle points for you.

The Voice

I watched The Voice tonight for the first time tonight, and I have to say that I enjoyed it more tha I thought I would. Even though a good portion of it was wailing and forced vibrato, the Javier's and Dia's originals were impressive.

I found it amusing how the judges were totally into it when their 'star pupil' performed, but then acted completely indifferent to the other singers (especially Christina, gosh). Since tonight was the finale, the four finalists and the four judges put on a rockin' show.

Suprisingly, I am very interested in finding out the winner. But of course, they will have to have a long show before they announce the winner, because they like to go on and on and on. I probably won't tune in until the last ten minutes.

My Review: 2 out of 5 stars. The two songs that I enjoyed weren't enough to give it a good rating. My main issue is that there's too much hype and not enough talent. These people don't seem to really know how to sing. They don't know technique. They just like to damage their vocal chords and hop around like a little kid that needs to go to the bathroom. I think that is why I enjoyed Dia's song the best. Her performance of her original song was less hype and more talent. I really hope she wins. Fingers crossed!

The King's Speech

I just finished watching The King's Speech, and I have to say, I was very impressed. It was amazing how such a simple plot as a man overcoming his stutter could have such deep meaning. I know that other people think that the film is overrated, but I found it to be a well done, very touching story. Not to mention, the acting was exceptional on Colin Firth's part, as well as an enchanting performance by Geoffrey Rush.

So, my review: 4.5 out of 5 stars. As I mentioned above, the story was good. The acting was good. It was all good. To the people who thought it was a boring movie, shame on you for not listening. If you had listened, perhaps you would have been able to appreciate what a great movie it was. Maybe you think that I praise it too much, but I don't think so.

What made the movie for me was how he overcame emotional problems as well as mechanical problems. It inspires me to look back into my own childhood at the problems I faced there. I won't explain what those problems were, but that's what came to mind after watching this movie. He conquered over his emotions and Colin Firth did an excellent job portraying that here. I would recommend this movie to anyone.

Animal Hybrid #3

This week's animal hybrid is a Bushbaby + Toby Mac = BushMac Baby

I don't think of people as animals, but when I saw my Toby Mac poster on my door, then saw the little, pink bushbaby stuffy, I couldn't resist. I was planning on coloring it, but I never got around to it. I almost forgot to post it entirely. If you look at the time, you'll see how close I cut it. Nevertheless, here is Animal Hybrid #3.

Another Fondant Adventure

So hey, the fondant is back! This time it didn't go quite as planned. The fondant was very moist, and didn't hold together very well. At all. We had been planning on covering the two-layer cake with one big piece of fondant, but because it wouldn't work with us, we decided to cut circles out and layer them over the entire cake.

The circles and the flower were Nita's idea. Thanks Nita. ;)

As you can see in the picture on the right, the circles on the right side weren't staying on quite right. I hope they will stay on long enough for us to eat it tomorrow at sunday school.

Either way, I'm satisfied with the results of the cake. However, I have not mastered fondant yet. Not even close.

Austrian Sweets

A friend of mine went to Austria with her family and stayed there with her brother and his wife. She explored and admired and had a smashin' good time. She took tons of pictures of the fam, buildings, statues, and most of all, the amazing food. I swear, she took a picture of probably every dish she ate there, which made me extremely hungry.

While they were gone, I went and cleaned their house once a week. So, now that they're back, they came and visited me today. They paid me for the cleaning, and also gave me delicious Austrian yummy things. I received two packages of Manner, which are hazelnut sugar wafers, and Kinder Schokolade, which looks like a milk chocolate candybar. The only thing that I've tried so far are the Manner cookies, but I'm super excited for the chocolate.

The kid on the chocolate box kind of reminds me of Augustus Gloop from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but maybe that's just me.

Amelie

My mom and I watched a French movie together last week. It was called Amelie. The sweet, innocent beginning when Amelie is born and then in her childhood puts the story in a pleasant mood.

One night while Amelie is in her apartment, she discovers a rusted tin box hidden in the wall. The box is full of childhood knick-knacks and pictures. She decided to find the owner of the box. If it makes him happy, she would dedicate her life to doing good things for other people. If not, too bad.

When she finds him and returns the box, he is hit with nostalgia from his childhood. He is happy that the box has been returned to him.

So begins Amelie's journey.

Throughout the movie, she does anonymous kind things for other people. My favorite scene is when she takes the arm of the blind man on the street and leads him down the sidewalk, excitingly naming all the things she sees to the man, so he can feel like he can see again. Their walk lasts less than a minute, but when she leaves him, you can tell that he is happier than he has been in a long time.

Farther along in the movie, Amelie sees a man drop a photo album in the street. She decides to return it to him, but at the same time, she is shy about him. So, she asks him to meet her in different places, but never has the courage to go and talk to him face to face.

Finally, he goes to the place where she works, and one of Amelie's friends tells him where she lives. They finally meet. And then they fall in love.

It ends with Amelie and her true love riding through Paris on his motor-bicycle, and everyone else happy because of what Amelie did for them.

It was a very cute movie. However, it was R-rated for sexual content. Yeah, there was a lot of sexual content, but it talked about sex in such a light, silly way it didn't seem terrible.

My Review: I gave Amelie 4 out of 5 stars. It was a perfect blend of happy and melancholy. The whole overall feeling of the story was very satisfying. Because of the sexual content, I wouldn't recommend it to anyone under the age of 17. Even if they can handle seeing a lot of naked women doesn't mean they should. I know the movie sounds really dirty now, but I mean c'mon. It's a French movie.

Audrey Tautou gave an excellent performance. There were so many parts in the movie that I didn't mention that were probably worth mentioning. But that would take a very long time, and I'd prefer that you go and watch the movie for yourself.

I think that what I love most about this movie is how simple it is. She doesn't find the need to change the world. She just makes it a happier place one person at a time.

The Letters

I have a stack of letters.

As I recieved them, I had kept them in my piano bench. But when the letters stopped, I tied them together with a shoelace and put the stack in a shoebox which I hid away for safe-keeping. And, as awful as it sounds, that's how I handled the friendship as well...

Sometimes I open the shoebox, and admire my little stack of memories. I never open them, never even untie the shoelace, because I am afraid of the guilt that would find me there.

He used to be a good friend. More than a friend actually. For one naive and wonderful month, we experimented on what it meant to have a relationship, as it was new to him, and somewhat new to me. All my relationships before had been long distance and almost imaginary. And they all broke my heart. But this guy, he was tangible. He was more than just a phone call away. He was there.

I remember when we started to call eachother 'sweetheart'. There was something about the word that put my heart at peace and complete bliss. It was being loved. No more second place. It made me first, and special, and wanted. I wanted to hold on to it with both hands and cling to it, no matter what it took. Anything to be called 'sweetheart' one more time....

But I knew I couldn't. When I realized that I was in love with this feeling more than I was in love with him, I broke it off (my parents' disapproval played a big role in this decision also). I broke his heart.

Then came the letters.

They started out as being our secret way of communicating, to go undetected by my parents' radar. At first they were genuine. We talked about what was going on in our lives and the comic in the paper that morning that had reminded me of him. But as time went on, and as my piano bench was beginning to overflow with letters, it turned into a hiding game.

He felt uncomfortable talking to me in person, so he continued to write letters that became more and more meaningless. I always sent one back, even though we both knew our hearts weren't in it anymore.

We finally agreed to stop going through the motions. We would try to just talk in person for now on. But it never was the same as it was last October. We had both changed. And even now, I feel like I don't know him anymore. And that's my fault.

I took all the memories and all the feelings, put them in a stack, tied them together with a shoelace, and hid them away in the outermost part of my brain. Maybe one day I will be brave enough to open them up and relive them. But the fear of the guilt and the longing I will find there is almost overwhelming....

I'm sorry Batman.

Marley Isn't Going to Heaven

Marley and Me, another addition to the legacy of dog movies, was on TV tonight. So, of course we had to watch it.

Everything was going fine until it got to the part when the dog is about to die. My little brother was starting to get emotional. Finally he let it out. "Doggies don't go to Heaven!" And he was tearing up. I was finding this quite amusing. So to make it worse, I said, "Well, at least they don't go to Hell where they belong."

Poor guy was so upset. In the movie, they began to give Marley the lethal injection. My brother was crying, and I was laughing. Perhaps, I was a little too harsh? But I mean, c'mon, he's twelve years old! He should be able to handle it.

I have to admit though, I let a little tear out, too. I'm a sympathetic cryer, and Owen Wilson was really upset. I couldn't help myself.

Chocolate-covered Strawberries

Tonight, I made chocolate-covered strawberries, which I suppose you already guessed.

In a way, I feel like I cheated. I used a premade container full of chocolate that you put in the microwave and stir until it's nice and smooth. Then you dip the strawberries in it, place them on waxpaper, and chill them in the fridge for a few minutes. Voila.

It was called Dolci Frutta, and I would recommend it. It was fast, easy, and yummy So what if it's cheating? They were delicious. Maybe next time I'll do it a smidgy more fancy. I was thinking of making "tuxedo strawberries", or at least getting some white chocolate to drizzle on top next time.

The possibilities are endless.

Animal Hybrid #2

ANIMAL HYBRID MONDAY

Animal Hybrid #2: Dolphin + Deer =

Wouldn't it be fun to ride one of these, or is it just me?

Miki Falls: Spring

Today at the library I was looking for some good manga to read, when I came across a series that I hadn't seen before. It was called Miki Falls. There were four books in the series, named for each season. So, the first book was called Spring. It looked interesting, so I checked it out.

The storyline starts out pretty simple. It starts out with a girl named Miki, who has no interest in boyfriends, opposite of her boy-crazy friend. At the beginning of senior year, she becomes fascinated with the new boy in town, Hiro, who seems to have a lot of secrets to hide. He's a loner, and intentionally pushes everyone away. But Miki's curiosity gets the better of her.

After giving him a gift basket with no satisfying results, she begins to harass him with constant greetings at school, which gives his little loner status a kick in the pants. When he finally confronts her about it, he opens up a smidgy and they become friends.

However, when he begins to feel threatened that his secrets will be uncovered by Miki, he ends the friendship. But don't worry, a heated argument isn't enough to supress her curiosity. She begins to stalk him. She watches his every move, ducking behind crates whenever he glances her way.

Now is when the plot gets a little strange. Going undetected, she starts noticing that he secretly watches different people around town, with no connection to eachother whatsoever. She also notices that there is a pigeon that follows him around as he scrutinizes people and writes down notes (Hiro writes the notes, not the pigeon).

Towards the end, she breaks into his house and finds out his secret. *SPOILER ALERT*

It turns out that Hiro is part of a secret society of celestial beings on a mission to keep love from becoming extinct. I know that sounds a little wacky, but it suprised you. Right?

So, my review: I gave it 3 out of 5 stars. It was a satisfying read and the artwork was very nice. However, for a romance manga with only four books, I was suprised that the actual romance hasn't even appeared. Another thing that I didn't really like was that it wasn't written in the traditional manga style, which is when the book is read from right to left. Of course, this didn't alter the story one bit, but I wish it had been written in that format. One thing that I enjoyed about this book was that it covered fantasy, romance (a little), and a little action-adventure. Overall, it was a good story, and I can't wait to read the next book. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Animal Hybrid #1

WELCOME TO ANIMAL HYBRID MONDAY.

Every Monday, I will share with you an animal hybrid I create. AKA, two animals morphed together. This week's animal hybrid is the....

Meerkat + Alligator = MEERAGATOR!!!

I realized afterwards that I should have named it the "Allikat", because it sounds a lot like "Alley Cat". But unfotunately, the poor thing is going to stay the MEERAGATOR. Sorry..

Making Fondant

A couple months ago, I began experimenting with fondant. It is quite simple, but a good mixer i s needed. Don't even try to do it by hand. Your hand will fall off and explode into a bloody mess.

Fondant

1. In a large bowl, stir together 1 cup shortening and 1 cup light corn syrup.

2. Mix in 1/2 tsp. salt and 1 tsp clear vanilla extract (almond extract can be used instead of vanilla. It is just as delicious).

3. Gradually mix in 2 lbs confectioners' sugar (yeah, it's a lot) or until it is a stiff dough and not sticky.

4. To use, roll out the dough on a clean surface that has been dusted with the sugar until the dough is about 1/8 inch thick or thinner.

5. Drape over frosted and chilled cakes (roll it onto the rolling pin, then roll it out on top of the cake. Don't attempt to just pick it up and put it on there because it will crack) or cut designs out with cookie cutters to put it on cupcakes or cookies. The sky is the limit!

My first time making fondant didn't go exactly smooth. I left in the fridge overnight before I used ut, which made it much harder to roll out. Also, I hadn't figured out that you need to roll it onto the pin to put on the cake, so there were some cracks in the surface, which I tried to cover with piping letters over it. It turned out looking like playdough, but tasted delicious. My friends were very satisfied with the cake.

My second time around with the fondant went much more smoothly. Right after I mixed it into a dough, I put some red food coloring into it and worked the dough with my hands just enough so it was a pink and white tie-dye looking design. Then, I rolled it out and cut circles out of it with a plastic cup. After that, I put them on cupcakes that had been dirty-iced (meaning, iced with frosting so the fondant will stick properly) with buttercream frosting. The result was a delicious batch of yummy, pink cupcakes. (It made a lot more than this, I just used fewer in the picture. Sorry the lighting in the picture is so bad).

So, that is how to make fondant. I am going to experiment more, for sure, and I will let you know what other amazing fondant adventures I have.

True Beginning

So now I have a laptop. Mwahaha. I can blog every single day. Look out cyber-world, here I come. Hm...So this blog is officially a blog. No more 'once-a-month' ridiculousness. This time it is for real. Obviously, this post isn't that real. But from now on, I promise to deliver. Cross my heart.

Hope to die.

It's amazing how much more ominous that line looks when it is removed from the rest of the text. Watch...Hope to die. See? It's just not the same.

Pictures, short stories, recipes for fondant... It will be here. I will launch it into the endless void of my disaster blog, I promise. Don't worry little endless void demons. You will know how to make fondant shortly. Cross my heart.

Hope to die.

Goodnight little endless void demons.

On My Mind...

Today is Friday, and I'm going to be "hanging out" with some friends. By "hanging out" I mean my sister and her friend talking about college while I sit there being bored. Who cares if your dorm has a damn oven?

Hiding

During prom-making, I opened the new exact-o-knife box. When I tore it open, all the extra blades fell out, ringing against the floor. A boy from my class laughed and joked, "Look! It's emo heaven." Something about that comment got to me. I took a blade and slid it in my wallet, just in case I needed it.

Last night, I finally used it. I used it on my arm, because it always feels better on the arm. Only con: It's really hard to hide. And, well, I guess it made me feel more sad and small than I already did.

So today, I'm wearing my pretty, salmon-pink shirt over a black cami. The pink shirt has semi-long sleeves, which is why I chose it. I feel like Mulan, constantly pulling down her sleeve to cover up the Chinese notes she wrote down to help her with her meeting with the Matchmaker.

Except I'm not Mulan. And I'm not hiding notes to cheat on a test. I'm hiding my insecurity and shame. Melodramatic perhaps, but truth.

Letting Go

My fears of counseling and needles always stopped me from getting help. Even just the idea of telling all my secrets to a person I don't know throws me into a panic and a depression all of its own. But how can I not get help now... He hates me. He hates me because I'm sad. He's been waiting for me to get better, but I can't. I can't get better. The walls of insanity and depression are closing in, and trying to get better makes the walls close in faster.

I went to counseling yesterday. It was uncomfortable and awkward, which is exactly how I thought it would be, if not worse. I had been planning to talk about the cutting and the starving myself in a professional, controlled way. But that's not how it went down. What happened was me crying about feeling alone and abandoned when my best friend fell in love with my sister.

Pathetic.

I have another counseling session today. In about half an hour, actually. Pray for me.

Reality Ever-After

Once upon a time there was a tall lanky girl that lived in the middle of nowhere. She went to high school where she stressed about not being smart or pretty enough, and where she was used. She slowly wasted away into nothing, waiting for Prince Charming to come sweep her away.

But he never came.

The Prom Dream

Prom. You dress up. You take pictures. You dance. You go home.

That's basically all I thought prom was, and that's really all it is. BUT, if there's a romantic, handsome, popular senior to ask you to prom over the school intercom during the morning announcements, than maybe it will be more than a formal sockhop.

I'm one of those people who isn't unpopular, but not very popular either. I can fade into the background pretty easily, so the past few days have been interesting.

The morning announcements came on same as every morning. Then TJ came on and asked me to prom. Of course I said yes. It was the topic of conversation the rest of the day. Everyone in the student body talked about it to me, mutilating my "fade-into-the-background" routine. Everyone acted like he had asked me to marry him. The girl doing the morning announcements started to cry as she finished with announcing what was for lunch. "Sob...sob...sob...meatloaf."

I feel really happy. I have a big poofy prom dress and a hot date. One of my friends was asked to prom over a text, which looked even more extremely lame next to my dramatic, public invitation.

I was going to go laser-tagging with some friends for our annual "anti-prom". I hope they aren't pissed that I'm ditching them. They can get over it.

My best friend has been acting like he wants some space, so maybe going to something fun without me would do him some good.

Either way, all the girls are envious of me for getting the ultimate prom dream. We'll see how this sock-hop turns out.

I'll Be Fine

Breathe in, breathe out. Another day begins.
Same as yesterday. But perhaps, this one will be different.
I close my eyes and soak in the sunlight from the desert sky.

It's an emotional high. I'm feeling good. I feel like this whole day is mine.
I'm not the same. Thing's can change. I hear Hope calling my name.
And she says...I'll be fine.

Our Flight of Valor

"Flight of Valor" felt like just another song. More difficult, but relatively the same as the others. Just a series of notes played faster or slower, smoother or crisper, quieter or louder. The same thing that I had done many other times. Just another song.

But then came the story.

The director stopped everything he was doing, sat down, and told us what the story was about. He told us of the plane on 9/11 that was taken back by the passengers and crashed into a field, instead of in a city killing thousands. James Swearingen wrote this song in honor of those passengers; to tell their story with beautiful music. All of a sudden, it wasn't just any other song. It was a story. It meant something.

The hymn "It is Well" was a theme within the song, something I had noticed before he pointed it out. And this hymn and this story made this song mean something! I had never felt this way about a song. I don't know if I'll ever feel that strongly about another song ever again.

Before our final concert that evening. Our director told us one more story. It was about a girl named Megan who used to play in his band. She loved "Flight of Valor", and she told him how it had changed her life, and how she had never felt like that about a song. Soon after, she died in a car accident. They played "Flight of Valor" at her memorial service. With the emotion slowly overwhelming him, he told us that this song wasn't just about those people on that plane, but about the all the people we have lost.

I don't know if he told us the story to draw out our emotion even more, or just to kill time. But we did bring emotion.

As we played the song, I felt the "take-off" deep inside of me. I closed my eyes and listened to the low brass play the slow, somber, angry notes. My heart stopped when the one flute rang out the first notes of "It is Well". We all felt it. And suddenly "Flight of Valor" wasn't just one story. It was all of our stories.

Then it was over, and we got in the van and left. But I can hear the hymn. It is part of my story.

"It is well...with my soul. It is well, it is well with my soul..."

Today

Today.

Today is stupid. Monotonous. Same thing, over and over.
Doing nothing. Feeling nothing. Being nothing.

Today.

Same as yesterday. Same as the day before. Same as tomorrow. It never ends. It will always be....monotony, monotony.

Today.

Wake up. Live. Go to bed. Wake up. Live. Go to bed....

Today.

How to get out of the rut....How to get out?

Today.

Get me out.

Today.

Please?

World-influenced

I feel like a different person now. I feel like a person of the world now. I used to be a goody-good, naive girl, but now I feel like....I don't know. I'm different.

And not in a good way....

Ruined

Everything is ruined.

I've slipped back into my bad habit as if I had never stopped. I wanted to talk to someone about it, but that's a stupid thing to want. I don't know if he's angry. I don't know anything. All I know is that I'm a slip-up, screw-up...a hypocrite.

I write these songs about God, like my relationship with Him is fine.

But it's not. It's not okay. I'm not okay.