It's Friday

It's Friday. I wish I had a reason to get out of bed.

Who cares that it's Friday? I still have to go to school, I still have to go to basketball practice, and I won't even see my friends today. What point is there?

Tomorrow, I want to see them. I don't care what we do, I just want to be with them.

I don't feel so good. I kinda got beat up in practice yesterday, scrimmaging against the guys. But at the same time, I beat them up too. So I guess we're even. An eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth.

The guy who guarded me, was guarding REALLY close. I don't know what it is about a strong arm behind my back, it's comforting. Last week at practice, I was falling backwards, and one of the boys caught me. And here it is again. A strong arm. Behind my back.

I know that shouldn't feel that good to me. I know that these random boys shouldn't make me feel so good. But I'm 16 and full of hormones. Any touch gives me goosebumps.

Basketball Season

This season.

Basketball season makes me very tired, which makes me very stressed, which makes me very irritable and depressed, which makes my friendships suffer.

I slept tons last night, a whole 8 and a half hours. That's almost twice as much as I usually get. Yet I'm still exhausted.

Yesterday basketball practice wasn't so bad. We warmed up and stretched and did some suicides. Then we did layups and shooting. After that, my coach sent me down to the other gym to play with the guys so I could learn some post position techniques.

I like playing with the guys. It was a little awkward at first, and really hard compared to the girl's practice, but I liked it. First thing I learned is that I need to work on my upper body strength, because I don't have very much compared to the guys. I mean sure, I can beat Dom at arm-wrestling, but this is different.

So, this further proves my theory: I relate better to guys than my own sex. I have a long way to go "basketball-wise" but I think I can do it. I think I can....I think I can....said the little engine that could.

Basketball is alright. I just hope that it doesn't ruin my friendships by making me an irritable person. Sigh...

College day was good. I'm not very good at talking to people I don't know, but I did better than I thought I would.

It helped that there were people there I already knew. It made me feel like I was part of the "network" already. A friend of mine I worked with this summer was there. So was my sister. She's the one who introduced me to all her friends. It feels like old times, when I got all my friends through my sister. I don't know if I like that. I wish I didn't need help making friends. It makes me feel....pitiful.

Still, it was fun. The atmosphere is really nice. I'm a public school kid, so I'm used to guys who are complete perves and girls that are complete skanks. So the Christian environment of this college was really nice. Guys were gentleman. Girls were ladies. I'm not really used to that environment. I wish I could be in it all the time.

So anyways, that was college day. There's a lot more I could say, but I don't feel good, so I'm going to say goodbye.

Goodbye.

Apathy

I'm doing better. Maybe.

It's funny, how on Sundays I feel so great, and then the next day at school, everything goes back to apathy. Everything goes back to, "I hate life" and "Whatever, just kill me now". I wish I was strong and secure. Not like this...

My youth leader said that this last month when I was dating Batman, that I was so happy. That I was glowing. She told me that I need to feel that way from being with Christ, not a boyfriend. And for once in my life, I'm going to swallow my pride and say it. Yes, she is right. She's right! I said it.

So what now?