Tragedy

I'm learning more and more that to trust in people is like inviting Jeffrey Dahmer into your house. People are not dependable. People let you down. People hurt you.

I've decided to put all of my trust in God. ALL OF IT. I used to depend on friendship to keep my head above the water, but I've been drowning too long. God is my rock, and He is the only one who can hold me up. No friendship can save me. So why should I care if I have any friends, or what people think of me? They don't know me. Only God knows me. And only God can help me when tragedy strikes me. Me and my family.

My grandma died last week. I know that she wouldn't have wanted me to cry, but I couldn't help it. None of us could.....
She had been on an oxygen tank for a long time, so we weren't exactly suprised. But when it happened, everyone still felt broken. Especially my grandpa.

Growing up, I always have seen my grandpa as the big guy who always laughs and cracks lame jokes and talks about baseball with my little brother. But when my grandma died, everything changed....

That sunday, when we went to his house, his grief was written all over his face. For the first half hour there, I sat on the couch with him and held his hand as he struggled not to cry. Seeing him in so much pain broke my heart. I'd be suprised if he ever laughed or smiled again, after seeing him the way he was this past week....

My grandma was a great lady. She was always perky and happy and looked out for everyone first, even when she wasn't feeling good herself. She always made these instant mashed potatoes when we came over because she was convinced that we all absolutely loved them.

I remember when I was little, I stayed with them for a week ( probably because of a procedure my sickly sister was getting done). They took me to a children's museum, and they took me to Ferr's everyday for lunch, because I loved it so much.

But the memory that sticks out to me the most is when my grandma took me to an ice skating rink that week. She sat up on the bleacher seats and cheered me on as I slowly made my way around the rink around and around and around. Eventually I got faster, and soon I was zipping around on the ice. After a while I was the only one left on the ice. I remember how I lost balance coming around a turn, and fell down hard. I started crying, and then I saw my grandma run out onto the ice. She picked me up, and took me home, where she scooped me up some ice cream. Soon, I had forgotten all about my sore leg.

I remember the last time I saw her. My sister and I had just spent the night there. The night before we had played an exciting game of hearts with my grandparents, my aunt, and my cousins. The next morning when we left, I hugged grandpa, and then I hugged grandma. And then we left. That was it. I don't even remember if I told her that I loved her, that last time I saw her. I just assumed that I would see her again. But it's over. She took her oxygen mask off that night in the living room, and that's where my grandpa found her the next morning. She was gone......

Aww man, I don't want to start crying again. I should just go now.