Our Flight of Valor

"Flight of Valor" felt like just another song. More difficult, but relatively the same as the others. Just a series of notes played faster or slower, smoother or crisper, quieter or louder. The same thing that I had done many other times. Just another song.

But then came the story.

The director stopped everything he was doing, sat down, and told us what the story was about. He told us of the plane on 9/11 that was taken back by the passengers and crashed into a field, instead of in a city killing thousands. James Swearingen wrote this song in honor of those passengers; to tell their story with beautiful music. All of a sudden, it wasn't just any other song. It was a story. It meant something.

The hymn "It is Well" was a theme within the song, something I had noticed before he pointed it out. And this hymn and this story made this song mean something! I had never felt this way about a song. I don't know if I'll ever feel that strongly about another song ever again.

Before our final concert that evening. Our director told us one more story. It was about a girl named Megan who used to play in his band. She loved "Flight of Valor", and she told him how it had changed her life, and how she had never felt like that about a song. Soon after, she died in a car accident. They played "Flight of Valor" at her memorial service. With the emotion slowly overwhelming him, he told us that this song wasn't just about those people on that plane, but about the all the people we have lost.

I don't know if he told us the story to draw out our emotion even more, or just to kill time. But we did bring emotion.

As we played the song, I felt the "take-off" deep inside of me. I closed my eyes and listened to the low brass play the slow, somber, angry notes. My heart stopped when the one flute rang out the first notes of "It is Well". We all felt it. And suddenly "Flight of Valor" wasn't just one story. It was all of our stories.

Then it was over, and we got in the van and left. But I can hear the hymn. It is part of my story.

"It is well...with my soul. It is well, it is well with my soul..."

Today

Today.

Today is stupid. Monotonous. Same thing, over and over.
Doing nothing. Feeling nothing. Being nothing.

Today.

Same as yesterday. Same as the day before. Same as tomorrow. It never ends. It will always be....monotony, monotony.

Today.

Wake up. Live. Go to bed. Wake up. Live. Go to bed....

Today.

How to get out of the rut....How to get out?

Today.

Get me out.

Today.

Please?

World-influenced

I feel like a different person now. I feel like a person of the world now. I used to be a goody-good, naive girl, but now I feel like....I don't know. I'm different.

And not in a good way....

Ruined

Everything is ruined.

I've slipped back into my bad habit as if I had never stopped. I wanted to talk to someone about it, but that's a stupid thing to want. I don't know if he's angry. I don't know anything. All I know is that I'm a slip-up, screw-up...a hypocrite.

I write these songs about God, like my relationship with Him is fine.

But it's not. It's not okay. I'm not okay.