School...

Today is the first day of school. Ugh...

It's not going as bad as I thought it would go, but this is how it usually works for me.

First day = ok

Second day = awful

Rest of the year = goes downhill from second day

Dominic and I have the exact same schedule. I haven't figured out yet whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. I'm guessing it's a good thing, because at least I have someone to talk to all day.

Torn to Shreds

Do you remember that diary that I talked about in my earlier entries? Well, I let the friend who gave it to me, read it. He flipped out. Couldn't even finish it. So a couple days later I took my diary and ripped each individual page out and crumpled it. Every heartfelt page I had written, I tore out of that book with a wave of hurt rage.

It had taken me over three months to fill it up, and it took me under ten minutes to destroy. It's silly really (haha, that rhymed), how one little thing like a friend wimping out when you try to tell them your feelings, can influence what you do about it.

I've stopped writing down my feelings. Every diary I write ends up being destroyed because it's so awful and depressing, naturally you just want to burn it. And suprisingly, I'm doing a lot better. Maybe because I'm not writing down and dwelling on everything in my life that causes me pain, it's easier to just forget about it. I just hope that I don't explode from holding in all this emotion. Crying in front of people is scarring and embarassing. I guess you could call it my phobia.....